Just a few hours ago, I seen my niece, Madison, tear up the stage in the playing of The Nutcracker. She did a marvelous job! All the years of hard work to dancing paid off. I let her know how much of an outstanding job she did, and she told me that it meant a lot to her.
With that being said, I look towards my own children. I know they are young, but I often wonder about their futures. I get so wound up with my situation and all that is going on in my own head that it surprises me, sometimes scares me, that I may not be doing enough for them. I got myself, financially, into a bad situation way before they were born and have been spending too much time trying to keep my head above water. I'm at my sister's house, during a dinner party mind you, typing a blog instead of socializing, and for the first time in a long time, I do find something disturbing about it. I really don't have a lot to say. Way back when, I used to entertain the children, but now, I look pretty silly, even to them, even to me, when I'm trying to break the ice. I listen to adults all the time talk about their finances, and it makes me feel that I'm cheating myself and my family, because I don't have a story to tell even to myself. I have these fruitless ideas about how I can make some ends, but I can never seem to save up the seed money to make even a small move. My children are always acting out, especially when they are around me, and I find myself disciplining them more often that I would like. We keep going to the same places, and only when I get paid & finish paying the bills. I ask myself, IS THIS WHAT LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE?
I do have some ideas I want to market, so I need to figure out how I can finance it to get it off the ground. Once I can see the reality I want for myself, I'll use my first money in copywriting all the words my two youngest children created when they were learning to talk. At the very least, they'll have something that they own that no one can take from them.
Saturday, December 12, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
New thing for today...you call it NEWS
Hello strangers!! Real quick, we finally moved to the new house. The house fits our needs very much; however, it did come with a price. I'll be uncomfortable for some time, just know that!
12/10/15
I didn't realize that 1) I wrote this, 2) it was never published, and 3) the date it was supposedly published was in October instead of August, when the move actually happened. Either way it goes, we're settled very nicely in the new house. God gets the glory, I get the bills!! Fair trade off! :-)
12/10/15
I didn't realize that 1) I wrote this, 2) it was never published, and 3) the date it was supposedly published was in October instead of August, when the move actually happened. Either way it goes, we're settled very nicely in the new house. God gets the glory, I get the bills!! Fair trade off! :-)
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
New year, new beginnings, new people, same negro
Hey y'all! This is a brand new entry for a brand new year! I'm
typing on a brand new USED computer with a key missing, thanks to my
youngest. A lot has changed in my life that I will illustrate below.
First and foremost, I've been working since September 4, 2012. I work at a residential treatment facility in NW Indiana called Campagna Academy. I work with young boys ranging from ages 11 to 19. For the most part, I am an overnight "babysitter," but I do so much more than that. Each day presents an opportunity to share the knowledge that these young men can use going forward in their lives. I work with kids that have been in the system, suffered from abuse and/or neglect, drugs (whether serving or using), runaways, bullies, kids with emotional issues, etc....For some, it will be an opportunity for them to regroup, while for others, it's just the next step towards prison. This gives me an opportunity to intervene & show them the positives of staying on the right path, and if all else fails, it plants a seed in their mind if they choose to do wrong, then at least they'll know what they're in for. I often question myself as to whether or not I am making any sort of impact. After all, I do work the midnight shift when most of these kids should be sleeping. I do catch the few stragglers who refuse to lie down. If it weren't for the cameras on the unit, it would be a golden opportunity to reach & teach. I'll make the most of my opportunities so that I can feel that my job is fulfilling. I'm there to serve as well as earn money to help my family.
Secondly, I'm feeling a renewed sense of strength through my family. My wife & I have been getting along better. We decided that we are going to put down a savings plan so that we can get a bigger house. She wants to move to Lansing or Lynwood, but I think we can do much better if we move to Homewood or even to Indiana. She's looking at wanting the kids to go to T.F. South, but I think Homewood-Flossmoor is a much better school. And besides, Birdie is very fast, so I’m thinking if we STAY in the area, then it would benefit her to go to T.F. North b/c they have a much better track & field program. But, if we head back east, then we need to figure out where we’ll be. Montgomery County has the best of everything, but it’s hella expensive!
Next business is my step-daughter. She’s excelling in her nursing program and is making excellent grades. She seems to be where she is supposed to be. My youngest, Pinky, is growing & getting into mischief. She seems to really think that she’s a cat! She’s climbing on furniture & jumping off. She’s learning how to talk & already knows certain words & when to use them. She’s a pretty crafty 21 month old child. She always keeps me on my toes & laughing hard. Last is my Birdie, and unfortunately, I’m making many mistakes with. She’s 4 ½ and not in school. Unfortunately, my 5 years of unemployment has left us with very little surplus once the bills are paid. I was hoping to send her to her district school for pre-k, but they said that she tested well enough to go to kindergarten, meaning she’s too smart for this. I considered getting her into Head Start, but 1) they might turn us down b/c my wife makes too much money, and 2) I don’t think my wife would want her going all the way over to Harvey every day. Harvey is no problem for me, but it’s very dangerous over there. I think it’s more dangerous that she’s not receiving any schooling. This time is critical, and I’m already seeing things in here I don’t like. When I have her, I have her doing different activities. When she’s not with me, she’s watching television, and nothing educational. I have to keep telling those who allow her to watch to STOP letting her watch junk programming. It irritates me to no end when people say how smart she is, but they don’t help me reinforce learning. She needs a school environment to socialize her, not the Disney channel. I’m more upset at myself, because I couldn’t prevent this.
Lastly, I felt terrible about things in my personal life last night while I was at work. I was talking to my co-worker about taking a vacation, and it dawned on me that I haven’t been on a real vacation since I was a kids. I also started to wonder if I would be able to take my family on a vacation, and it really scared me to think that we all would be cooped up in my house for another year. It’s good for us to go to different places, but we couldn’t even go back home to Maryland to see my family. My wife & I haven’t been alone since our honeymoon, and that was more than 3 yrs ago. That’s an awful long time for any couple not to have some privacy. It just seems that I’m becoming the opposite of everything I ever was, and I don’t like it at all. I can understand why so many people lash out at the world or people start drinking and druggin’: they need that FREEDOM!! I’m strong like that, but I need that freedom, too. Freedom to me is not getting a few hours to myself & eating some Panda Express before having to go to work. That’s what I did last Saturday when my family went to DeKalb to visit my wife’s brother. I don’t want my kids feeling that this is all they have to look forward to in life, and I don’t want my wife to feel that this is all I can provide. This is where the Most has us, so I’ll have to find other ways to grind to get us in a better situation. I’m blessed to have what I have, but we NEED more!
….and that Panda Express was the bomb!!! J
First and foremost, I've been working since September 4, 2012. I work at a residential treatment facility in NW Indiana called Campagna Academy. I work with young boys ranging from ages 11 to 19. For the most part, I am an overnight "babysitter," but I do so much more than that. Each day presents an opportunity to share the knowledge that these young men can use going forward in their lives. I work with kids that have been in the system, suffered from abuse and/or neglect, drugs (whether serving or using), runaways, bullies, kids with emotional issues, etc....For some, it will be an opportunity for them to regroup, while for others, it's just the next step towards prison. This gives me an opportunity to intervene & show them the positives of staying on the right path, and if all else fails, it plants a seed in their mind if they choose to do wrong, then at least they'll know what they're in for. I often question myself as to whether or not I am making any sort of impact. After all, I do work the midnight shift when most of these kids should be sleeping. I do catch the few stragglers who refuse to lie down. If it weren't for the cameras on the unit, it would be a golden opportunity to reach & teach. I'll make the most of my opportunities so that I can feel that my job is fulfilling. I'm there to serve as well as earn money to help my family.
Secondly, I'm feeling a renewed sense of strength through my family. My wife & I have been getting along better. We decided that we are going to put down a savings plan so that we can get a bigger house. She wants to move to Lansing or Lynwood, but I think we can do much better if we move to Homewood or even to Indiana. She's looking at wanting the kids to go to T.F. South, but I think Homewood-Flossmoor is a much better school. And besides, Birdie is very fast, so I’m thinking if we STAY in the area, then it would benefit her to go to T.F. North b/c they have a much better track & field program. But, if we head back east, then we need to figure out where we’ll be. Montgomery County has the best of everything, but it’s hella expensive!
Next business is my step-daughter. She’s excelling in her nursing program and is making excellent grades. She seems to be where she is supposed to be. My youngest, Pinky, is growing & getting into mischief. She seems to really think that she’s a cat! She’s climbing on furniture & jumping off. She’s learning how to talk & already knows certain words & when to use them. She’s a pretty crafty 21 month old child. She always keeps me on my toes & laughing hard. Last is my Birdie, and unfortunately, I’m making many mistakes with. She’s 4 ½ and not in school. Unfortunately, my 5 years of unemployment has left us with very little surplus once the bills are paid. I was hoping to send her to her district school for pre-k, but they said that she tested well enough to go to kindergarten, meaning she’s too smart for this. I considered getting her into Head Start, but 1) they might turn us down b/c my wife makes too much money, and 2) I don’t think my wife would want her going all the way over to Harvey every day. Harvey is no problem for me, but it’s very dangerous over there. I think it’s more dangerous that she’s not receiving any schooling. This time is critical, and I’m already seeing things in here I don’t like. When I have her, I have her doing different activities. When she’s not with me, she’s watching television, and nothing educational. I have to keep telling those who allow her to watch to STOP letting her watch junk programming. It irritates me to no end when people say how smart she is, but they don’t help me reinforce learning. She needs a school environment to socialize her, not the Disney channel. I’m more upset at myself, because I couldn’t prevent this.
Lastly, I felt terrible about things in my personal life last night while I was at work. I was talking to my co-worker about taking a vacation, and it dawned on me that I haven’t been on a real vacation since I was a kids. I also started to wonder if I would be able to take my family on a vacation, and it really scared me to think that we all would be cooped up in my house for another year. It’s good for us to go to different places, but we couldn’t even go back home to Maryland to see my family. My wife & I haven’t been alone since our honeymoon, and that was more than 3 yrs ago. That’s an awful long time for any couple not to have some privacy. It just seems that I’m becoming the opposite of everything I ever was, and I don’t like it at all. I can understand why so many people lash out at the world or people start drinking and druggin’: they need that FREEDOM!! I’m strong like that, but I need that freedom, too. Freedom to me is not getting a few hours to myself & eating some Panda Express before having to go to work. That’s what I did last Saturday when my family went to DeKalb to visit my wife’s brother. I don’t want my kids feeling that this is all they have to look forward to in life, and I don’t want my wife to feel that this is all I can provide. This is where the Most has us, so I’ll have to find other ways to grind to get us in a better situation. I’m blessed to have what I have, but we NEED more!
….and that Panda Express was the bomb!!! J
Hey y'all! This is a brand new entry for a brand new year! I'm typing on a brand new USED computer with a key missing, thanks to my youngest. A lot has changed in my life that I will illustrate below.
First and foremost, I've been working since September 4, 2012. I work at a residential treatment facility in NW Indiana called Campagna Academy. I work with young boys ranging from ages 11 to 19. For the most part, I am an overnight "babysitter," but I do so much more than that. Each day presents an opportunity to share the knowledge that these young men can use going forward in their lives. I work with kids that have been in the system, suffered from abuse and/or neglect, drugs (whether serving or using), runaways, bullies, kids with emotional issues, etc....For some, it will be an opportunity for them to regroup, while for others, it's just the next step towards prison. This gives me an opportunity to intervene & show them the positives of staying on the right path, and if all else fails, it plants a seed in their mind if they choose to do wrong, then at least they'll know what they're in for. I often question myself as to whether or not I am making any sort of impact. After all, I do work the midnight shift when most of these kids should be sleeping. I do catch the few stragglers who refuse to lie down. If it weren't for the cameras on the unit, it would be a golden opportunity to reach & teach. I'll make the most of my opportunities so that I can feel that my job is fulfilling. I'm there to serve as well as earn money to help my family.
Secondly, I'm feeling a renewed sense of strength through my family. My wife & I have been getting along better. We decided that we are going to put down a savings plan so that we can get a bigger house. She wants to move to Lansing or Lynwood, but I think we can do much better if we move to Homewood or even to Indiana. She's looking at wanting the kids to go to T.F. South, but I think Homewood-Flossmoor is a much better school. And besides, Birdie is very fast, so I’m thinking if we STAY in the area, then it would benefit her to go to T.F. North b/c they have a much better track & field program. But, if we head back east, then we need to figure out where we’ll be. Montgomery County has the best of everything, but it’s hella expensive!
Next business is my step-daughter. She’s excelling in her nursing program and is making excellent grades. She seems to be where she is supposed to be. My youngest, Pinky, is growing & getting into mischief. She seems to really think that she’s a cat! She’s climbing on furniture & jumping off. She’s learning how to talk & already knows certain words & when to use them. She’s a pretty crafty 21 month old child. She always keeps me on my toes & laughing hard. Last is my Birdie, and unfortunately, I’m making many mistakes with. She’s 4 ½ and not in school. Unfortunately, my 5 years of unemployment has left us with very little surplus once the bills are paid. I was hoping to send her to her district school for pre-k, but they said that she tested well enough to go to kindergarten, meaning she’s too smart for this. I considered getting her into Head Start, but 1) they might turn us down b/c my wife makes too much money, and 2) I don’t think my wife would want her going all the way over to Harvey every day. Harvey is no problem for me, but it’s very dangerous over there. I think it’s more dangerous that she’s not receiving any schooling. This time is critical, and I’m already seeing things in here I don’t like. When I have her, I have her doing different activities. When she’s not with me, she’s watching television, and nothing educational. I have to keep telling those who allow her to watch to STOP letting her watch junk programming. It irritates me to no end when people say how smart she is, but they don’t help me reinforce learning. She needs a school environment to socialize her, not the Disney channel. I’m more upset at myself, because I couldn’t prevent this.
Lastly, I felt terrible about things in my personal life last night while I was at work. I was talking to my co-worker about taking a vacation, and it dawned on me that I haven’t been on a real vacation since I was a kids. I also started to wonder if I would be able to take my family on a vacation, and it really scared me to think that we all would be cooped up in my house for another year. It’s good for us to go to different places, but we couldn’t even go back home to Maryland to see my family. My wife & I haven’t been alone since our honeymoon, and that was more than 3 yrs ago. That’s an awful long time for any couple not to have some privacy. It just seems that I’m becoming the opposite of everything I ever was, and I don’t like it at all. I can understand why so many people lash out at the world or people start drinking and druggin’: they need that FREEDOM!! I’m strong like that, but I need that freedom, too. Freedom to me is not getting a few hours to myself & eating some Panda Express before having to go to work. That’s what I did last Saturday when my family went to DeKalb to visit my wife’s brother. I don’t want my kids feeling that this is all they have to look forward to in life, and I don’t want my wife to feel that this is all I can provide. This is where the Most has us, so I’ll have to find other ways to grind to get us in a better situation. I’m blessed to have what I have, but we NEED more!
….and that Panda Express was the bomb!!! J
Thursday, May 24, 2012
I'm onto something.....
Damn!! One year & 2 months later, I'm back!! Same wife, same 2 daughters & one new daughter, and a granddaughter through one of my God-daughters. I'm truly blessed! All these women in my life......:-)
Anyhow, I was asked by a close friend & big brother, Nolan Lemon, to start a blog, b/c the topics I post on Facebook are pretty infectious. I told him I'll put aside a little time to do this since the blog is already up. Just to show you how much time has passed, my youngest is 13 months old & is fast on her feet. Only walking for just a week, she is now SPRINTING!! My 3 yr old was in her first (and possibly last) dance recital last Sunday. I thought she did great! My oldest daughter is trying to finish the school year strong, though she put herself in a hole. I haven't seen her study this hard EVER! Better late than never, right? All is cool with me & the wife. We fight often, but that's what makes a marriage work. :-)
Stuff about me, later, and then comes the round table topics. GONE!!
Anyhow, I was asked by a close friend & big brother, Nolan Lemon, to start a blog, b/c the topics I post on Facebook are pretty infectious. I told him I'll put aside a little time to do this since the blog is already up. Just to show you how much time has passed, my youngest is 13 months old & is fast on her feet. Only walking for just a week, she is now SPRINTING!! My 3 yr old was in her first (and possibly last) dance recital last Sunday. I thought she did great! My oldest daughter is trying to finish the school year strong, though she put herself in a hole. I haven't seen her study this hard EVER! Better late than never, right? All is cool with me & the wife. We fight often, but that's what makes a marriage work. :-)
Stuff about me, later, and then comes the round table topics. GONE!!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Trying to find a way to start
Today I spent much of the day trying to keep my 2 yr old out of harm's way. She is a lot more advanced than other children her age, but she has a very strong will. She talks back, has a smart mouth, and will fall on deaf ear if she doesn't care about what you are saying. I try not to handle her too roughly, because I only want to break the bad habits & not her spirit.
The paragraph above was a 2 hour nap and several hours ago. The weather was so nice, that we walked to the neighborhood school and played at the playground. It helped take my mind off my troubles, at least for an hour. Hopefully, if the weather is favorable tomorrow, then we'll be back.
My step-daughter has 1 B and the rest As. This is great news! I only wish she was as enthused with getting involved in other aspects of school. She needs to join a club or participate in some sort of after school activity to tie over her idle time. I tell her every chance I get to get involved, because colleges look for well-rounded people. They will let her in with her grades, but they offer scholarship money when you get the grades WHILE you maintain other things. That's what she needs to shoot for. This world is too competative for her not to be.
Now it's my turn to be the example and be other than the loud mouth on the sideline telling them what to do. My only problem is staying focus and really understanding what it is I truly want. I am still at that crossroad.
The paragraph above was a 2 hour nap and several hours ago. The weather was so nice, that we walked to the neighborhood school and played at the playground. It helped take my mind off my troubles, at least for an hour. Hopefully, if the weather is favorable tomorrow, then we'll be back.
My step-daughter has 1 B and the rest As. This is great news! I only wish she was as enthused with getting involved in other aspects of school. She needs to join a club or participate in some sort of after school activity to tie over her idle time. I tell her every chance I get to get involved, because colleges look for well-rounded people. They will let her in with her grades, but they offer scholarship money when you get the grades WHILE you maintain other things. That's what she needs to shoot for. This world is too competative for her not to be.
Now it's my turn to be the example and be other than the loud mouth on the sideline telling them what to do. My only problem is staying focus and really understanding what it is I truly want. I am still at that crossroad.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Where do I go, what do I do?
The title above tells where my mind is. I've been trying to figure out how I will survive where I am in this world. I live south of Chicago, and unless you do work in industries, have a trade, or desire a lower wage job, you won't find too many opportunities. Like I mentioned in my previous blog, I have been out of work for over three years. I have all of this education and work experience, and no one seems to care. No one is giving me a reason to why they are not choosing me. Four interviews in 3 years is pretty sad. At times, I do get discouraged, because it doesn't seem to get any better, and other times I'm distracted. I feel sometimes that my family needs me too much that I can't concentrate on what I can do to help us out financially. As a man, I feel I need to be the one who is working, but I'm not getting any opportunities. The must frustrating aspect of it all is getting turned down or ignored for jobs I'm well qualified for. Talk about a slap in the face!
Bottom line: since no one will give me a chance, then I will have to create my own path. Right now, I'm brainstorming all that is inside of me as to what I can offer the world at a fair price. I want to work with children, point blank, but I can't picture me returning to the classroom to teach again. That's dead. That was something I did not enjoy when I was trying to teach. I didn't like the structure, I didn't like standing in the classroom looking like a doofus, I hated being confined to the classroom, and I hated the criticism and disrespect I endured from it. I take my hat off to teachers, but that's not for me. Instead, I want to create an organization that helps students plan for their OWN education, based around their interests and skill sets. I also want to use that to prove a skill set method I have been for years creating and would someday like to implement to most urban schools. I'll reveal that information at a later time. I don't want to give away my secret.
If that fails, I can always try to buy a food cart or a used school bus & convert it into a moving restaurant. I keep seeing this happen, and it seems to be a sure shot way of making steady income. People will never get tired of eating, and I cook pretty good food. I know how to run a business, because I use to do that when I worked for Wawa back in college.
Gotta go! My little girl woke up from her nap. Got things to do.
Bottom line: since no one will give me a chance, then I will have to create my own path. Right now, I'm brainstorming all that is inside of me as to what I can offer the world at a fair price. I want to work with children, point blank, but I can't picture me returning to the classroom to teach again. That's dead. That was something I did not enjoy when I was trying to teach. I didn't like the structure, I didn't like standing in the classroom looking like a doofus, I hated being confined to the classroom, and I hated the criticism and disrespect I endured from it. I take my hat off to teachers, but that's not for me. Instead, I want to create an organization that helps students plan for their OWN education, based around their interests and skill sets. I also want to use that to prove a skill set method I have been for years creating and would someday like to implement to most urban schools. I'll reveal that information at a later time. I don't want to give away my secret.
If that fails, I can always try to buy a food cart or a used school bus & convert it into a moving restaurant. I keep seeing this happen, and it seems to be a sure shot way of making steady income. People will never get tired of eating, and I cook pretty good food. I know how to run a business, because I use to do that when I worked for Wawa back in college.
Gotta go! My little girl woke up from her nap. Got things to do.
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